Somewhere To Start

 I'm not a very good follower. Since I was a child I have had difficulty doing what I am told to do, or even doing what someone else wants to do. When the other kids wanted to play hide-and-seek, I preferred Cowboys and Indians (forgive me; Exploited Migrant Ranch Hands v. Native Americans). It's true that I learned to balance my wants with those of others at times, but the underlying drive in my life has always been to do things my way, on my time frame.

This approach to life has given me nothing but trouble for as long as I can remember. Trouble at home, trouble in school, and trouble with the law. If it weren't for those rare men who are worthy of following (SGT Weekes and CPT Pandol come to mind) I would have never survived my time in the Army. Autonomy and independence have always seemed to be more important to me than “playing well with others” and this philosophy has led me to a life of semi-seclusion because I find it easier to be away from people than to filter my thoughts and words lest I should offend someone. It's not that I don't like people; I just seem to think differently and it takes a lot of effort to explain myself in such a way that I don't come across as cold and heartless, or simply indifferent.

Unfortunately, I question my own motives at times. Am I separate because I'm independent, or am I independent so that I can be separate? That is an important question for me because one of the rules in our house is that no one can argue for the sake of argument. If you don't have a point that you are trying to make, if you simply want to antagonize someone, then don't go against the grain. This leads to a more peaceful home life and the kids seem to be learning to think before they speak; and when they do speak, look out, their ideas are not easy to refute. The problem is that I now wonder if I think differently so that I can enhance my independence, or do I just think differently? Or do I just think too much?

I've been questioning these things as I watch all of the preparations that go into choosing the next President of our nation, and this questioning makes me wonder if I am anti-American. (Insert Disclaimer Here: I consider myself to be a devout Christian as well as a true patriot of my country.) When I look at the direction that America is moving in today compared to what appears to be the direction envisioned by the men who got this whole thing started I find myself disgusted. Disgusted with our overall leadership, and disgusted with our apathy. It bothers me that our government tends to run against the best interest of the individual while the Constitution declares the importance of individual rights. It really bothers me that we have a political system that only seems to promote those who are willing to perpetuate the system, regardless of its failings. It really, really bothers me that any religious group would try to hijack the system when the primary reason for our forefathers' immigration to this continent from Europe was the desire to believe what one believes without persecution. But, what bothers me the most is that most Americans just don't care. As long as our personal boat doesn't get rocked too hard we just watch the world go by. It reminds me of the punch line of an old joke, “if you are happy and warm in a pile of manure, keep your mouth shut”.

After what I wrote earlier about arguing I don't want to come across as one who is picking a fight or stirring things up for no good reason. I just think it's time for Americans to take an honest look at the failings of our government and begin to look for solutions. I certainly do not think that I have a monopoly on the “right” answers. There may be no right answers. But, the least we can do is think about what we believe and how we act so that we can begin taking steps in the right direction.

The challenge for me is going to be continuing to write. I don't know if anyone will ever actually read this, but I need to get this stuff out of my brain to make room for more important things like hunting or playing guitar. So, I will try to keep putting these thoughts out there, and if anyone wants to join the discussion, then that's great. If not, then that's great too.